FOUL SEWER OGRES
Disgustibus malodorus subterraneus
RANGE: The drains and cisterns, goosenecks and septic tanks, culverts and aqueducts of America are the dark domain of the Foul Sewer Ogres. Each night, they emerge, unbidden, onto the surface—like repressed urges, bubbling up from the unconscious mind as naughty dreams. Foul Sewer Ogres are the nether region’s version of the above ground Guttersnipe. They may invade the home via bathtub and sink drains, or by way of the toilet (which is why it is such a good idea to keep the lid closed).
HABITS: Foul Sewer Ogres cause plugged pipes, bathtub rings and backed-up toilets, for their favorite sight in all the world is the wrinkled-up nose on the face of a fastidious house-guest. Although they appear to subsist on a meager diet of undigested corn kernels, peanuts, and diced carrots, they are powerful in the extreme—they have been known to play tiddlywinks with manhole covers and can infest entire city blocks with an evil, flatulent aroma.
HISTORY: Primitive Man, we are told, learned to walk upon his hind legs, the better to walk away from the awful messes he made of things. Neglected, buried and despised, Foul Sewer Ogres then arose and have followed behind mankind ever since. Today, the wretched creatures often appear in the form of investigative reporters, or “Muckrakers,” the better to blow the lids off things, and “raise a big stink.” Foul Sewer Orges played a major part in the history of America, for it was their noxious presence on the outskirts of frontier settlements which drove the more salubrious pioneers ever westward in search of unsullied hollows and untainted streams.
SPOTTER’S TIPS: The soundest advice to those who would seek (for their own perverse purposes) a Sewer Ogre is, follow your nose.