RANGE: These wicked fomenters of domestic strife are sometimes found in the kitchen during house parties and often in the back seats of taxi cabs. They like the dark corners of bars near the office, parks in summer, and overnight business trips. There are males (Valentinii) and females (Vampirillae) of the species, and they lurk and strike wherever one member of a couple is a little late getting home. HABITS: It is the mischievous, obnoxious, and downright perilous nature of these seductive creatures to leave suspicious traces, scents, hints, and clues of illicit dalliance on or about the persons of their innocent and unsuspecting victims: a blond hair on the lapel of a chap married to a brunette; the smell of strange after-shave in a young bride’s hair; a carefully planted matchbook from an exotic night club; a phone number scrawled on a cocktail napkin; unaccountable credit card receipts—and of course, that old favorite, lipstick on your collar. Fairy wooing of mortals is traditional; there are, for example, many folktales about the tragically impossible love of mermen for princesses, and mermaids for princes . . . but the object of an Evil Neckromancer’s affections is not even offered a life of bliss in a city beneath the sea. Those who bear the mark of the Evil Neckromancer just end up having to sleep on the couch. HISTORY: To the trained eye, the victim’s symptoms (lipstick on the collar, hickies on the throat) are evidence that Evil Neckromancers are decadent, distant relatives of central Europe’s dread Nosferatu. (The more direct descendants of that blood-sucking clan, still undead in the New World today, practice the occult rites of personal management.) The era now known as the Boring Twenties was the heyday of the American Neckromancers, who came flickering out of Hollywood in the guise of “Sheiks” and “Vamps,” appearing as tempting visions before hithertofore innocent American couples seated in darkened movie houses. They caused the hideous practice of “necking” to spread across the nation like a beard rash on a maiden throat. During the forties, many a gallant serviceman on leave came home to his sweet patootie only to find disquieting evidence insidiously left by the Neckromancers: strange cars in driveways, ten-gallon hats, pipes smoking in ashtrays, and huge pairs of unfamiliar boxer shorts hanging from bedroom doorknobs. Fortunately for the future bliss of America’s tootsies (and fellas), most servicemen accepted their tootsies’ honest explanation for those evil “artifacts”: “I just don’t know how that got there.” SPOTTER’S TIPS: You don’t spot a Neckromancer; a Neckromancer spots you. And unless you enjoy screaming, door-slamming, bag-packing rages, protestations, and recriminations, you are advised to ignore the Neckromancer’s handiwork at all times.
棲息地 会社の近くの飲み屋,
行きつけのバーやクラブ, 最終
電車のなか、タクシーの後部座
席、家の近くの電信柱のかげな
どに嫉妬の精は隠れていて, 深
夜、いそいで帰宅するサラリー
マンたちを狙う。 とりつかれた
のも知らずにそのまま帰ると,
奥さんのまえで思わぬ災難に出
くわす羽目にあう。
たとえば, ポケットから行っ
たこともないようなピンク・サ
ロンのマッチが出てきたり,Y
シャツの背にひと目で女性のと
わかる長い髪の毛をくっつけて
おいたり,といったいたずらを
この妖精たちは平然と行なう。
そして嫉妬に燃えあがる奥さん
を見て楽しむのである。
そんなときはひとこと,「こ
れは嫉妬の妖精たちのしわざだ
よ」 といって笑えばいい。 奥さ
んはその非現実的かつ子どもじ
みたいいわけにあいそをつかし
て, 実家に帰ってしまうだろう
から。
習性 元来、この妖精たち自身
が、ひじょうにやきもち焼きな
のである。 だから仲のいいカッ
プルや夫婦にしかとりつかな
い。 だから,とくに新婚の夫婦
がよく狙われるのである。
反対に, 倦怠期をむかえた中
年の夫婦には興味も示さない。
ただし浮気となると話は別であ
会社の課長がバーのホステ
る。
スと, あるいは部長がクラブの
ママと, などといった場合には,
妖精たちはその相手の女性を激
しく嫉妬に狂わせる。 彼女たち
は妻子ある男性を好きになって
しまったという負い目 (ハンデ
ィキャップ), つまり不倫の恋
だという自覚があるから,そこ
に第三の女性の存在をほのめか
すものがでてこようものなら、
さあたいへんだ。 奥さん以上に
嫉妬に狂う。 自分も浮気の相手
であることを忘れて, 「あなた
浮気してたのね!!」 などと金切
り声を発する。
こう考えると、どうやら嫉妬
の妖精には、女性を愚かにさせ
る力があるようだ。 しかしそれ
だけ女性が取り乱すのも、愛し
ている証拠かもしれない。 だっ
たらはじめから素直に表現すれ
ばいいものを、 やっぱり女性は
愚かなのか、嫉妬の妖精たちの
手を借りなければ, 男性に 「愛
している」 とはいえないのだ。
歴史 フランスのコキュー (寝
取られた男) から誕生した。
嫉妬の妖精に
私立探偵の情報
会いたかったら, 恋人や奥さん
に愛されるように努力すればい
愛のあるとこなら, どこに
い。
でもいる。
176
Bars near the office, favorite watering holes and clubs, the last train home, the back seat of taxis, behind utility poles near the house — the jealousy sprite lurks in all these places, targeting salarymen rushing home late at night. If a man comes home without realizing he’s been possessed, he’ll find himself walking straight into unexpected disaster in front of his wife.
For instance, the sprite casually plants matchbooks from pink salons he’s never visited in his pocket, or sticks a single long hair — obviously a woman’s — to the back of his dress shirt. Then sits back and enjoys watching the wife erupt in jealous fury.
In such a moment, just say with a smile: “It’s the jealousy sprites’ doing.” Your wife will be so disgusted by this unrealistic and childish excuse that she’ll pack up and go back to her parents’ house.
Behavior
At heart, these sprites are themselves extremely jealous creatures. That’s why they only possess couples who are genuinely in love — newlyweds in particular are frequent targets.
Conversely, they show zero interest in middle-aged couples who’ve entered the doldrums.
Affairs, however, are a different matter entirely. When a section chief takes up with a bar hostess, or a department head with a club mama — the sprite drives that other woman into a frenzy of jealousy. She already carries the burden of guilt for falling for a married man — so the moment any hint of a third woman appears, all hell breaks loose. She goes even more jealously berserk than the wife. Forgetting she herself is the affair, she shrieks: “You’ve been cheating on ME!!”
Come to think of it, the jealousy sprite seems to have the power to make women foolish. But perhaps the degree to which a woman loses her composure is also proof of how deeply she loves. If that’s the case, wouldn’t it be simpler to just express it honestly from the start? Then again — perhaps women really are foolish, and without the jealousy sprite’s help, simply cannot tell a man “I love you.”
History
Born from the French cocu — the cuckolded man.
Field Intelligence
If you want to meet the jealousy sprite, just put in the effort to be loved by your partner or wife. Wherever there is love, they will be found.
176
