The Secret · American Version

Illustration: THE GIANT (ECONOMY SIZE) — Plate, American edition Zoom Full-size scan

THE GIANT (ECONOMY SIZE)

Caveat emptor

RANGE Suburban shopping centers, inner cities, across the river, over the tracks, under new management, out of stock. Long ago, the Giant En-celadus loomed o’er the isles of Greece. Today, the Giant (Economy Size) looms o’er the aisles of grease, down at what used to be called the grocery store. There she dwells still, within a vast, windowless and weirdly lit cave, where music of a brain-softening blandness plays eternally. Into this so-called supermarket, unwitting victims are lured by means of bright colored circulars, coupons and bonuses, promotions featuring capering clowns, free samples of the mayonnaises of many lands; seduced by ads featuring amorous butchers, tissue-squeezing floorwalkers, Colombian coffee tasters; and bombarded with talking tuna, bullet-proof paper towels, one-cent sales, discounts, bargains, and other hallucinations.

HABITS Unit pricing, metric measures, house brands, and electronic cash register Universal Product Codes are merely the latest vile wiles of this spellcasting consumer cozener. She hovers above the pyramids of cans and smiles, wickedly, as mesmerized shoppers wander in a trance, heaping their carts with jeroboams of Bog-O-Cola, firkins of freeze-dried cod tongues, familysized Treasure Chests O’ Cheese Food, and that special Stampede O’ Weenies from Hard Ridin’ Frambs’ Famous Frank Ranch, over by the sundries. She hides surprise bonus tarantulas in the bananas, Italian nose hairs in the frozen lasagna, and tacky dish towels in boxes of detergent. Customers have been known to wander, lost or confused, in her maze of merchandise for weeks; when their minds are utterly addled by the shameless display of useless products, the Giant then employs these idiots as cashiers working her express checkout counters.

HISTORY Anyone who has had contact with the Giant (Economy Size) will have guessed at the creature’s canny and frugal Scottish heritage. Her ancestors once stomped the fog-shrouded hillsides of Scotland, dining on whole spitted sheep, oat gruel, and the occasional side of crofter’s cottage. In America, the Giant (Economy Size) presided over the white man’s early trade with Indians, in which backfiring rifles, neuro-toxic brandy and plaid bow ties were exchanged for gold bars, mountains of beaver pelts, and millions of acres of bottom land. Her motto has always been, “Manny a mickle maks a muckle,” which, translated, means, “Small things come in big packages.” SPOTTER’S

TIPS Look for Redtide Seafood sales, buckets of turkey byproduct bargains, low quality discount purchase offers, celebrity scandal sheets, and breath mints near the cash register. You can be sure you are in the presence of this Jolly Green Giant, Economy Size, if the facial features of your fellow shoppers and those of the supermarket staff are indistinguishable from the smile buttons pinned to their lapels.

Two editions, one page

The American and Japanese printings side by side. Click either page to zoom in.

Japanese edition page: THE GIANT (ECONOMY SIZE) — 日本語版 · Japanese edition

日本語版の本文

The Supermarket Giant · The Giant

The Japanese text with an English back-translation.

Japanese text

棲息地郊外のショッピング・センター, 新興住宅地や新しくできたばかりの駅のそばの塗料の臭いも消えない終夜営業の店など。この巨大な妖精は,むかしはギリシャの島々に住んでいたが、いまはかつて食料雑貨店と呼ばれた店の通路をうろうろしている。そこは大きな部屋で窓はなく, 人工照明でギラギラと照らされた穴ぐらのようだ。また、人をリラックスさせるような静かな音楽が絶えまなく流れている。ここはいわゆる, スーパーマーケットと呼ばれている場所だが、無意識に犠牲者となってしまう人たちは、さまざまな手口に誘われてここにやってくる—はでな色のチラシ広告, クーポン券やおまけの景品, 各国のマヨネーズの試供品, 新製品の試食コーナー……。また, 10円セールや大割引, キズ物一掃セールといった途方もない手口にも客はひつかかる。

習性単価標示, 自社ブランド製品, 電子レジスター用のコードラベルなどはすべて, 消費者を食いものにするこのペテン師の最新のごまかしにすぎない。この妖精は,ピラミッド型に積まれた缶詰の上をとびまわり、お客ににこやかに笑いかける。すると客たちは,催眠術にかけられたように買物かごに商品を積みあげていく。その商品ときたら, ジャンボサイズのコーラやファミリーサイズのチーズなど, いちどにたくさん買っても使いきれずに半分はだめにして捨ててしまうような商品ばかりだ。また、ごみ箱に直行するしかなんの役にもたたないおまけを商品にくっつける。客たちは通路をうろうろしているうちに、なにがなんだかわからなくなり、いりもしない商品の山のあいだで頭がおかしくなったころ, 妖精がしのびよってきてレジのほうへ連れていくわけだ。

歴史この妖精の祖先は,初期のアメリカ人とインディアンとの取引きのときに大活躍した。彼らのモットーはいつも「小さな物も大きなパッケージにして売れ」である。

私立探偵の情報あなたのまわりにいる客たちや、スーパーマ「笑ーケットの従業員の顔が、顔でお客さまをおむかえしましょう」キャンペーンのバッチの顔と同じように見えてきたら、スーパーマーケットの巨人が近づいてきた証拠だ。

English back-translation

Habitat Suburban shopping centers, freshly built neighborhoods, and paint-smell-still-lingering 24-hour stores near new train stations. This enormous sprite once lived on the Greek islands, but now roams the aisles of what used to be called the grocery store — a vast, windowless room, blazing with artificial light like a cave, with soothing music playing on endless loop. This is what they call a supermarket. Its unwitting victims are lured in by various means — garish colored flyers, coupons and free gifts, mayonnaise samples from around the world, new product tasting corners… And then there are the truly outrageous traps: ten-cent sales, massive discounts, damaged-goods clearance events.

Behavior Unit pricing, store-brand products, barcode labels for electronic registers — all just the latest tricks of this con artist preying on consumers. The sprite leaps across pyramids of stacked cans, beaming smile at customers. The customers, as if hypnotized, pile goods into their shopping baskets — jumbo-size cola, family-size cheese, products so large that half will spoil and get thrown out before anyone finishes them. He also attaches free gifts to products that serve no purpose whatsoever except to go straight in the bin. As customers wander the aisles growing increasingly confused, losing their minds amid mountains of things they never needed, the sprite quietly creeps up and steers them toward the checkout.

History This sprite’s ancestors were highly active during the early trading between American settlers and Native Americans. Their motto has always been: “Sell small things in big packaging.” Field Intelligence When the faces of the customers around you — and the supermarket employees — start looking identical to the smiley face on the “Let’s greet customers with a smile!” campaign badge, that’s proof the Supermarket Giant is closing in.

THE GIANT (ECONOMY SIZE)

Two editions, one page

日本語版の本文

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