The Secret · American Version

Illustration: FOUL SEWER OGRES — Plate, American edition Zoom Full-size scan

FOUL SEWER OGRES, image 1

FOUL SEWER OGRES, image 2

FOUL SEWER OGRES

Disgustibus malodorus subterraneus

RANGE The drains and cisterns, goosenecks and septic tanks, culverts and aqueducts of America are the dark domain of the Foul Sewer Ogres. Each night, they emerge, unbidden, onto the surface—like repressed urges, bubbling up from the unconscious mind as naughty dreams. Foul Sewer Ogres are the nether region’s version of the above ground Guttersnipe. They may invade the home via bathtub and sink drains, or by way of the toilet (which is why it is such a good idea to keep the lid closed).

HABITS Foul Sewer Ogres cause plugged pipes, bathtub rings and backed-up toilets, for their favorite sight in all the world is the wrinkled-up nose on the face of a fastidious house-guest. Although they appear to subsist on a meager diet of undigested corn kernels, peanuts, and diced carrots, they are powerful in the extreme—they have been known to play tiddlywinks with manhole covers and can infest entire city blocks with an evil, flatulent aroma.

HISTORY Primitive Man, we are told, learned to walk upon his hind legs, the better to walk away from the awful messes he made of things. Neglected, buried and despised, Foul Sewer Ogres then arose and have followed behind mankind ever since. Today, the wretched creatures often appear in the form of investigative reporters, or “Muckrakers,” the better to blow the lids off things, and “raise a big stink.” Foul Sewer Orges played a major part in the history of America, for it was their noxious presence on the outskirts of frontier settlements which drove the more salubrious pioneers ever westward in search of unsullied hollows and untainted streams. SPOTTER’S

TIPS The soundest advice to those who would seek (for their own perverse purposes) a Sewer Ogre is, follow your nose.

Two editions, one page

The American and Japanese printings side by side. Click either page to zoom in.

Illustration: FOUL SEWER OGRES — American edition

Japanese edition page: FOUL SEWER OGRES — 日本語版 · Japanese edition

日本語版の本文

The Sewer Pipe Sprite · Foul Sewer Orges

The Japanese text with an English back-translation.

Japanese text

棲息地下水溝, タンク, 排水溝, 高層マンションや団地の送水管などにいる。また, 洗面台水管などにいる。また,洗面台やトイレをつたわって家のなかへ侵入してくる。

習性トイレにしのびこんでチューインガムやビニールなどを便器に捨てたり、なまごみを台所のごみ箱から下水管に放りこんだりして、しだいに水はけが悪くなるいたずらをする。最悪の場合には,トイレの水が逆噴射して部屋じゅうにあふれでたり、台所の洗い水がシンクタンクいっぱいになったりする。これらの現象は,すべて下水管の妖精のしわざだ。彼らの大好きなのは, 気むずかしいお客が鼻をつまんでしかめつらをしているのを見ることである。

歴史下水管の妖精は人類の出現とともにこの世に姿を現わしたが、ローマ帝国が文明の象徴として下水道を街なかにひいたときから、自分たちは文明の落とし子だと思うようになった。アメリカ大陸に移住してからは,おもに都会でのみひっそり今世紀にはいと暮していたが,ってからは急速に田舎にも出没するようになり、いまや、彼らの姿はいたるところで見られるようになった。悪臭を放つマ私立探偵の情報ンホールの下をのぞけばかならずいる。

English back-translation

Habitat Drainage ditches, tanks, drainpipes, water pipes in high-rise apartments and housing complexes. They also invade homes through sinks and toilets.

Behavior They sneak into toilets and stuff chewing gum and plastic into the bowl, or toss raw kitchen scraps from the bin down the drain, gradually making drainage worse and worse. In the worst cases, toilet water backfires and floods the entire room, or kitchen sink water fills the basin right to the brim. All of these phenomena are the sprites’ doing. Their favorite thing is watching a fussy guest wrinkle their nose and pull a disgusted face.

History The sewer pipe sprite appeared in this world alongside the emergence of humanity — but from the moment Rome laid sewers through its streets as a symbol of civilization, they began to think of themselves as civilization’s own offspring. After emigrating to the American continent, they lived quietly mainly in cities — but from the turn of this century they began appearing rapidly in rural areas too, and now their presence can be found absolutely everywhere.

Field Intelligence Look under any foul-smelling manhole cover and you’ll find them without fail.

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