The Secret · American Version

Illustration: KINDERGUARDIANS — Plate, American edition Zoom Full-size scan

KINDERGUARDIANS

Lusos angelii

RANGE Out from between parked cars, on thin ice, inside abandoned refrigerators, atop slippery roofs, near fresh excavations, on the edges of reservoirs, and around buildings under construction; in any of the dangerous spots kids aren’t allowed to go, the Kin-derguardians stand sentry.

HABITS As anyone who has ever been a child, or watched one, knows, the statistical chances of any infant reaching the age of majority are nil. But, thanks to the tireless efforts of the Kinderguardians, some make it— despite a slapstick sequence of terrifying near-misses. The Kinderguardians deflect that eye-bound BB pellet and steady the pot of boiling water teetering over the toddler’s head. Their magic transforms the sidewalk beneath a falling tot into a trampoline. They blow kites away from high tension wires, and miraculously clear busy intersections for the passage of runaway bikes, trikes, wagons, soapbox racers, sleds, toboggans, and skateboards. They short-circuit power tools before tiny limbs are severed, extinguish the fuses on hand-held cherry bombs, and endow denim coveralls with the consistency of steel plate, thus protecting their charges from bruises, scrapes, and spilled acid. They see to it that forks don’t fit in wall sockets, that Drano is digestible, and that the rogue polar bear at the zoo gently accepts a sugar cube from a child’s hand.

HISTORY The kindly American Kinderguardians are descended from those kindly German household spirits, the Kobolds. Germans, fairy and mortal alike, despise human beings, but are sentimentally fond of dogs, fatty sausages, red cabbage, and children. A quick scan of the Grimm Brothers’ stories reveals the awful scrapes from which children escape and the unspeakable ends to which adults all come. In America, where children are feared and neglected like many other living things, the Kinderguardians have had their work cut out for them. They guided Huck Finn’s raft down the river, between banks crammed with murderous grown-ups, and even kept Billy the Kid alive till he passed puberty. And it was they, dear reader, who kept you from flying through the windshield that crazy time so many years ago after the dance or the basketball game or whatever it was . . . We can hardly remember ourselves, SPOTTER’S

TIPS We know that the Kinderguardians have been doing their work when we see a baby waddle unscathed from a train wreck, a sixyear-old climbing unchewed from the ‘gator pond, an infant giggling between the rungs of a fallen ladder, or simply a bouncing baby boy or girl, bouncing.

Two editions, one page

The American and Japanese printings side by side. Click either page to zoom in.

Japanese edition page: KINDERGUARDIANS — 日本語版 · Japanese edition

日本語版の本文

The Children's Guardian Sprite · Kinderguardians

The Japanese text with an English back-translation.

Japanese text

棲息地駐車している車のかげ, 薄い氷の上, 捨てられた冷薄い氷の上、捨てられた冷蔵庫のなか、すべりやすい屋根の上、池や貯水池のへり、建設現場のまわり。つまり、子どもたちが近づくことを禁止されているような危険な場所で, 歩哨に立っているのである。

習性自分の子ども時代をよくおぼえている人, あるいはよく子どもを見かけることのある人なら、子どもたちがいかに危いことをするかがわかるはずだ。幼稚園児を守る精はその呪文で, 高所から落ちる子どもの落下点になる地面をトランポリンに変え、高圧線にひっかかりそうなタコを吹き飛ばし, 交通量の多い通りで車を停めて子どもたちを安全に渡らせる。また, 危険な電動工具でけがをするまえにそれをショートさせてとめ, 大型の爆竹の導火線を湿らせて消し, ころんだ子どもの着ているジーパンのひざに薄い鉄板を入れてけがを防いだりもする。

歴史このやさしさにあふれた幼稚園児を守る精は, ドイツの家庭の精, コボウルドの子孫である。子どもが恐れられ、無視されているアメリカでは,幼稚園児を守る精はいそがしいことこのうえない。彼らのアメリカでの有名な仕事として, ハックルベリー・フィンのいかだを無事に下らせたことと, ビリー・ザ・キッドを成人するまで生きながらえさせたことがあげられるだろう。そして、読者諸君, きみたちをオートバイの事故から守ってくれているのは, ほかならぬ幼稚園児を守る精なのだということを、くれぐれもお忘れなく!!私立探偵の情報毎日の新聞を読んでいて, “奇蹟的に助かった子ども” の記事が目にとまったら,それは, 幼稚園児を守る精がひと働きしたのだと思ってまちがいないだろう。

English back-translation

Habitat Behind parked cars, on thin ice, inside abandoned refrigerators, on slippery rooftops, at the edges of ponds and reservoirs, around construction sites. In other words, standing sentinel at exactly the dangerous places children are forbidden to go.

Behavior Anyone who remembers their own childhood well, or who frequently encounters children, knows just how dangerous the things children do can be. The children’s guardian sprite uses its magic to transform the ground beneath a child falling from a height into a trampoline, blow kites away from high-voltage power lines, and stop traffic on busy roads to let children cross safely. It also short-circuits dangerous power tools before anyone gets hurt, dampens the fuses of large firecrackers to extinguish them, and slips a thin steel plate into the knees of a fallen child’s jeans to prevent injury.

History This warmhearted children’s guardian sprite is descended from the Kobold — the German household spirit. In America, where children are feared and ignored, the guardian sprites are kept busier than anywhere else. Their most famous achievements in America include guiding Huckleberry Finn’s raft safely downriver, and keeping Billy the Kid alive long enough to reach adulthood. And dear readers — never forget that it is none other than the children’s guardian sprite that is protecting you from motorcycle accidents!!

Field Intelligence When reading the daily newspaper and your eye falls on an article about a child who “miraculously survived” — you can be certain that’s the children’s guardian sprite having done its work.

KINDERGUARDIANS

Two editions, one page

日本語版の本文

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