The Secret · American Version

Illustration: MUGWUMPS — Plate, American edition Zoom Full-size scan

MUGWUMPS

Philibusterus gubernatorius

RANGE Mugwumps are found, and have always been found, and will always be found, at every level of federal, state, county, municipal, and local politics. They are a whoopee cushion upon the seat of government, a holdful of bilge on the ship of state, and a blast of hot air in the corridors of power.

HABITS There is a spirit that drives a man (or woman) to seek elective (or appointed) office. Something stronger, and more elusive, than greed and vanity and power-lust. It is the Mugwump. Tutored by the Mugwump, even the most dedicated public servant quickly learns to speak in the eldritch tongues of Bafflegab and Gobbledygook. Simple office holders can find themselves suddenly and mysteriously transported from their humble post, to far-off and exotic lands, by means of a magic Mugwump junket. He often casts a sleep-inducing spell through a ritual incantation involving the Founding Fathers, the flag, motherhood, and a rich lathering of adjectives over back-home geographical points of interest. When all members present have nodded into a patriotic trance, the Mugwump performs his “dirty tricks”—that is, “Ab” and similar scams.

HISTORY Mugwumps are descended from the Swedish Nixen, who were guardians of the most travelled water routes of their native land. Like all Swedes (and eponymous American presidents), they are not all motivated by principle, preferring a more nonpartisan image. In one of their earlier adventures in the New World, Mugwumps advised the native Algonquian tribe (Mugwump is an Algonquian name) to remain neutral in the Huron-Iroquois Wars. Today, there are no more Algon-quians. Like his river-protecting predecessors, the cautious Mugwump guards the Potomac in the political position that he has invariably assumed over two hundred years, a position from which he derives his very name: sitting with his mug on one side of the fence and his wump on the other. SPOTTER’S

TIPS The Mugwump is most often sighted in the vicinity of the free lunch, whose existence he denies. There he stands, beside the gravy train, with a mouthful of corn. See? He’s the one waving the apple pie around and dipping a single chicken into any number of pots for the benefit of the photographers. Watch him slice (from high off the hog) choice bits for his personal pork barrel. Yes, indeed, he specializes in bread and butter issues, but when the heat comes on, he gets out of the kitchen! You can follow his trail, marked as it is by scattered red herrings and all those hot potatoes he just dropped.

Two editions, one page

The American and Japanese printings side by side. Click either page to zoom in.

Japanese edition page: MUGWUMPS — 日本語版 · Japanese edition

日本語版の本文

The Sprite of Ambition · Mugwumps

The Japanese text with an English back-translation.

Japanese text

棲息地名誉欲の精は,小は市町村議会から大は州議会, 連邦議会まで, あらゆるレヴェルの政治舞台に姿を見せる。

習性男にせよ女にせよ, 人間を選挙事務所へ赴かせる妖精がいる。より強いもの, より捕えどころのないもの,これが名誉欲の精なのだ。彼らにとりつかれると,もっとも献身的な公僕も、あっというまに, 心にもないことをしゃべりだすようになる。彼らに狙われると, それまで死にもの狂いで働いていた人がオフィスを捨て、とつぜん,街頭で演説をぶつようになる。また、名誉欲の精は,人びとに眠りの呪文をかけたりする。人びとを催眠状態にしておいて,ここぞというところで大喝采を送らせるのだ。

歴史名誉欲の精の歴史はひじょうに古い。太古の地球上に人類が出現し,やがて彼らが集団で住むようになったときには,すでにこの妖精の祖先も生まれていたものと思われる。その後、人びとが集まるところのすべてに名誉欲の精は現われ、人びとにとりついてその野望を達成させたり,ときとして悪ふざけをしかけたりした。彼らのいたずらが成功した最近の例では,ニクソンのウォーターゲート事件が有名だ。私立探偵の報情この妖精をいちばん見つけやすいのは選挙の時期。スピーカーから大声がきこえてきたり, 人がきができているようなところは,まずのぞいてみるべきだろう。それと,むやみやたらに通行人に握手をもとめるような人がいたら、その周辺も要注意!!名誉欲の精は、活動時期がかぎられているので, 見つけだすにはそのタイミングが重要だ。各省庁の高級官僚の椅子の周囲,あるいは, 市町村の地元実力者といわれる人びとの屋敷,こういったところをのぞいてみるのも穴場かもしれない。

English back-translation

Habitat The ambition sprite appears on every level of the political stage — from small town and city councils all the way up to state legislatures and Congress.

Behavior There is a sprite that drives men and women alike to walk into campaign offices. The stronger and more elusive of these is the ambition sprite. Once possessed by one, even the most dedicated public servant will almost instantly begin saying things they don’t really mean. Those targeted by them will abandon their hardworking office jobs and suddenly start giving speeches on street corners. The ambition sprite also casts sleeping spells on people — keeping crowds in a hypnotic state, then triggering thunderous applause at just the right moment.

History The ambition sprite has an extremely ancient history. It’s believed their ancestors were already present when humanity first appeared on earth and began living in groups. Ever since, the ambition sprite has appeared wherever people gather — attaching itself to individuals to help them achieve their ambitions, and occasionally pulling pranks. A recent example of their mischief succeeding spectacularly: Nixon’s Watergate scandal.

Field Intelligence The easiest time to spot this sprite is during election season. Anywhere you hear loud voices booming from speakers or see crowds gathering is worth checking out. And if someone is indiscriminately demanding handshakes from random passersby — that whole area warrants close attention. Since the ambition sprite’s active periods are limited, timing is everything. Peek around the chairs of senior bureaucrats in government ministries, or the estates of locally powerful figures in towns and cities — these might be surprisingly good hunting grounds.

MUGWUMPS

Two editions, one page

日本語版の本文

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