RANGE: This loudly, proudly nationalistic sprite is usually encamped down at the American Legion Hall, although in times of international crisis— like a war or the Olympics—he is frequently found on the barstool next to you and/or behind the wheel of a taxi. He also occurs in National Park Service trailer campsites and infests phone-in radio shows. HABITS: Although he is really very tiny, the Wooly Bully can puff himself up to enormous size, not unlike the bullfrog. He can also imitate that inflatable amphibian’s popping eyes and grumpy, bellicose croak. The Wooly Bully is a nature spirit: that is, he’s melodramatically proud of America’s geographical grandeur and seductively suggests to us, as we gaze in awe at the Rockies, the Grand Canyon, or the Everglades, that any country with landmarks like these couldn’t possibly, ever, screw up its economic or foreign policies. He can be devious, as well, and has been known to hide in the bottom of a Cracker Jack box. When swallowed, he creates that well-known lump in your throat at the climax of a John Wayne movie. He’s the spirit of patriotism. He loves to rattle the little sabre he carries but is mostly harmless as a child. (He can’t resist a parade or fireworks display.) The Wooly Bully is only dangerous when found in close proximity to the Right Wing Trog and the Pentagorgon, with whom he shares an affinity for invasions of small Caribbean islands, embargoes of socialist dictatorships, and meetings of the Trilateral Commission. HISTORY: It is assumed that the Wooly Bully is of Teutonic origin, that he is descended from the blustering warrior dwarves so dear to Wagner, and that possibly his name itself is a corruption of Wuhlarbeit, the German word meaning ‘agitator,’ ‘irritation,’ ‘pain-in-the-neck.’ The Wooly Bully first appeared in America shortly before the turn of the century, emigrating from the Old World in the company of East European diplomats. He quickly adopted the patriotic fervor of his new land, however, and served as company mascot for Teddy Roosevelt’s Rough Riders. That is why, while cutting a swath through other people’s homelands in the name of National Security, Manifest Destiny, and Hearst newspaper circulation, T.R. would rally the troops by shouting, “Bully!” SPOTTER’S TIPS: When Old Glory unfurls in the wind and the band plays Sousa, you will feel the Wooly Bully running up and down your spine. It tickles. Enjoy it. He’s only dangerous when armed.
輸出禁止を大統領にはたらきか
けたりする。
棲息地 この大時代的な恰好を
した愛国主義の精は,アメリカ
在郷軍人会ホールの庭さきにキ
ャンプを張っている。
反対にソ連への穀物
ばせたり,
戦争やオリンピック, スペー
スシャトルの発射など, 国じゅ
うが国威宣揚のために大騒ぎし
ているときは, きまってバーで
あなたのとなりのストゥールに
すわっていたり、タクシーのハ
ンドルを握っていたりする。
習性 愛国主義の精は、このう
えもなくアメリカの地を愛して
いて, ロッキー山脈やグランド
・キャニオン, マンハッタンな
どに人の目を向けようとする。
もちろん、ジョン・ウェイン
の西部劇やクラーク・ゲーブル
が主演した 「風と共に去りぬ」
の大ファンであることはいうま
でもない。
絶えずサーベルをガチャガチ
ャいわせるのが大好きだが,子
どものお遊びのように罪がな
い。
しかし、ときとしてこの妖精
がひじょうに危険な存在になる
ことがある。
また、この妖精は中南米の傀
儡 (かいらい) 政権に異常な親
密感をもち、社会主義国の船舶
入港禁止措置に力を貸したりす
るのだ。
OLD DIXIE HWY
歴史 愛国主義の精は, ドイツ
出身だと考えられている。 その
ころの名前は、 たぶん Wuhlar
beit (ドイツ語で,アジテータ
の意味)だったようだ。
私立探偵の報情 もしあなたが
アメリカ人なら, アメリカ国歌
がきこえてくると, 愛国主義の
精があなたの背筋を走りまわる
選挙が近づいたり, 失業者がのが感じとれるはずだ。 これは,
増加したりしたときだ。
妖精たちは上院議員や労働組
合の委員長たちをたきつけて、
日本はもっとアメリカの穀物を
買うべきだとヒステリックに叫
妙にくすぐったいのですぐにわ
かるが,あなたはそのくすぐっ
たさを楽しんだほうがいい。 ほ
彼が武装
んとうに危険なのは、
したときなだから。
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Habitat
This old-fashioned, bombastically-dressed patriot sprite has set up camp in the front yard of the American Legion hall. When elections draw near or unemployment rises, the fairies stir up senators and union bosses to hysterically demand that Japan buy more American grain, or lobby the president for export bans. Conversely, they push to ban Soviet ships from importing grain.
During times of national chest-thumping — wars, the Olympics, Space Shuttle launches — you’ll reliably find him sitting on the barstool next to you, or behind the wheel of your taxi.
Behavior
The patriot sprite loves America above all else, and tries to direct people’s attention toward the Rocky Mountains, the Grand Canyon, and Manhattan. Naturally, he’s a huge fan of John Wayne westerns and Clark Gable’s Gone with the Wind.
He loves nothing more than rattling his saber constantly — but it’s as harmless as a child’s game. However, this fairy can sometimes become genuinely dangerous.
He also has an oddly intense affection for puppet regimes in Central and South America, and lends his energy to banning socialist-country vessels from entering port.
History
The patriot sprite is believed to be of German origin. His name back then was probably Wuhlarbeit — German for “agitator.”
Field Intelligence
If you’re American, when the national anthem plays, you’ll feel the patriot sprite running up and down your spine. It’s a peculiar tickling sensation, so you’ll know it immediately — and you’d do well to enjoy that tickle. Because the truly dangerous moment is when he picks up arms.
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