⊙ Habitat The most status-obsessed of all sprites, concentrated in cities where country folk gather. Commonly known as “the show-off” or “the poser” — they parasitize young people who dress exactly like fashion magazine copies, stoking their upward aspirations and delighting in producing shallow, superficial human beings as a result. Being possessed by this sprite is expensive — it’s also called the “money-eating bug.” But for all the money spent, the results are unimpressive. The more money spent, the more the world looks down on them — and the possessed never look as cool as they think, falling into a pattern of self-satisfied delusion.

◐ Behavior Favors tasteless city dwellers and unsophisticated provincial types, playing a role in the flourishing of centralized culture. Anything bearing the label “first class” becomes this sprite’s habitat — and it breeds primarily on the vanity of people who compulsively buy brand goods. In exchange it grants its possessed a kind of hallucination called “the tickle” — making a constant effort to ensure they never feel uncomfortable. As a result, escaping this sprite is as difficult as escaping drug dependency, and some people lose not just their homes and assets but their lives. Alarmed by this trend, the government recently launched a cleanup campaign, broadcasting advertisements on television that ask: “Will you give up being human, or give up brands?” History Unknown. One theory holds that it has walked alongside human vanity since the dawn of civilization — but when exactly remains unclear. Since it breeds poorly in very poor countries, it’s presumed these sprites became generally accepted after the Industrial Revolution in Britain. Some scholars say there is no greater “waste of time” than studying these sprites — but those same scholars tend to be remarkably particular about the contents of their midsummer and year-end gifts. These sprites are increasingly being shunned by upper-class society and showing a noticeable tendency to migrate downward to the middle class.

☞ Field Intelligence Wherever the brand goods people wear shine as emptily and glitteringly as the lack of education their owners possess.