The Secret · American Version

Illustration: THE GNOME ENCLATURE — Plate, American edition Zoom Full-size scan

THE GNOME ENCLATURE

Verberabilissimus

RANGE Infesting the ivied towers of High Mandarin academese, and cluttering the gutters of low slum argot (littered as they are with dropped g’s and h’s). From the obsolete cliches of the left, through the content-free platitudes of the center, to the terrifying buzz-word euphemisms of the right, wherever language is used to obfuscate, bore, or manipulate, the Gnome Enclature capers, coining his counterfeit phrases, circulating his inflated rhetoric, and generally debasing the value of the Word Hoarde.

HABITS The Gnome Enclature is the spirit of language. It is he who sees to it that there are sufficient synonyms so that two persons may discuss the same topic without understanding one another. He is the reason that you say “tomato” and I say, “Solanum Lyopersicum,” for he dearly loves an obscure synonym, and inspires ostentatiously elegant variation. He heightens class distinctions— how can people who “take in a flick,” “go to the movies,” “see a picture,” “catch a show,” and “screen a film” possibly have anything to say to each other? He underscores regional differences—can people who order “a hoagie,” “a grinder,” “a hero,” and “a sub” still break bread together? He numbs us with euphemisms, as we go from “the prime of our lives” through “senior citizenship,” until, as “golden agers” in our “twilight years,” we “pass away,” and nobody knows, or cares, that we died. A prude, he has so ensnared us in double entendre and circumlocution that such words as “bath,” “rest,” “lounge,” and “powder” have come to mean “evacuation.” He has done some of his best work through the morally anaesthetized offices of the Defense Department (formerly, the War Department). For instance, should the START (formerly, SALT) talks enter an inoperative mode, opening a window of critical vulnerability, you and I might be impacted with a first strike of such significant megatonnage as to be terminated with extreme prejudice (at acceptable levels, mind you). The Gnome Enclature is beloved by such creatures as the Pentagorgons who delight in having a wide variety of words to describe the unthinkable with the degree of complexity such concepts deserve.

HISTORY Gnome Enclatures delighted in the hostile polyglot nature of the first wave of European settlers, encouraging Dutch, French, Spanish, and English colonists to insist on the absolute primacy of their respective lingos. Each language survived, giving rise to endless regional squabbles and bickerings, and persist to this day— except for English, which finally ceased to be spoken in America during the Eisenhower administration. SPOTTER’S

TIPS The Gnome Enclature is to be found in the vicinity of speech writers, DJs, game show hosts, doctors, RNs, funeral hall directors, civil service union bosses, Mafia-based contractors, Federal boondogglers, social scientists, and ΝΕΑ grant specialists. He can be seen peeping out between the lines of columns written by William Safire, Edwin Newman, and other mavens of pop etymology

Two editions, one page

The American and Japanese printings side by side. Click either page to zoom in.

Japanese edition page: THE GNOME ENCLATURE — 日本語版 · Japanese edition

日本語版の本文

The Word Sprite · The Gnome Enclature

The Japanese text, section by section, with an English back-translation.

棲息地難解な学問を論じる大学の研究室, スラングのとびか学の研究室,スラングのとびかう貧しいスラム街のすさまじい臭いのする溝のなか、インテリといわれる人びとが集まるたばこの煙につつまれた安酒場など,人びとを煙に巻いたり,退屈させたり,うまく操縦するためにことばが使われるところには,いつでもこの妖精がはねまわっている。

Habitat University research rooms debating impenetrable academic theory, the reeking gutters of slang-filled slums, smoke-choked dive bars where intellectuals congregate — anywhere language is used to confuse, bore, or manipulate people, this sprite is bouncing around.

習性この妖精は、ふたりの人間が理解しあうことなく同じ話題を論じるのにじゅうぶんなほどの同意語があるかどうか,つねにチェックしている。ひとりがトマトといい,もうひとりがトマトの学名「ソラヌムリオパーシクム」というのはこの妖精のせいだ。ことばの精は意味のあいまいな同意語が大好きで、人にわざわざエレガントだが不必要なほかのいいかたをさせるようにする。また、階層の分化をいっそうはげしくする役目もになっている。「メシを食う」人と「食事をする」人と「お食事をいただく」人とが親しく会話をかわすことができるだろうか?婉曲話法を使って人を煙に巻くのも、彼らのお得意だ。人間は「中年」以後, 「熟年」をへて,「壮年期」にはいり, 「たそがれの日々」を生き, 「逝っそがれの日々」を生き,「逝ってしまう」。現実にその人が死んだことなど, だれにもわからないし、だれも気にしない。お上品なこの妖精は,二重の意味をもつ遠まわしないいかた「お手洗」「化粧室」も大好きだ。「洗面所」などのことばが「便所」の意味をもつようになったのも彼らのしわざだ。

Behavior This sprite constantly checks whether there are enough synonyms for two people to discuss the same topic without actually understanding each other. When one person says “tomato” and the other says its Latin name Solanum lycopersicum — that’s this sprite’s doing. The word sprite loves synonyms with ambiguous meanings, and nudges people toward elegant but entirely unnecessary alternative expressions. It also plays a role in deepening class divisions. Can someone who “grabs a bite” really have a comfortable conversation with someone who “dines” or someone who “takes supper”? Euphemism is another specialty. After “middle age,” humans pass through “maturity,” enter their “prime years,” live through their “twilight days,” and finally “pass on.” Nobody can tell — or cares — that the person actually died. This prim little sprite also loves double-meaning circumlocutions. Words like “powder room,” “restroom,” and “washroom” coming to mean “toilet” — all their handiwork.

歴史出身国の異なるヨーロッパ人たちが最初にアメリカ大陸妖精たちに移住してきたとき,は畏れおののくいっぽう、大よろこびもした。というのも, 異言語の人種たちが敵対関係にあったからだ。ドイツ人やフランス人, スペイン人, イギリス人の植民者たちは,それぞれ自国の言語に絶対的な優越感をもつように, 妖精たちによって, たきつけられた。けっきょく, 各母国語が生きのび, 地域間のつまらない論争をひき起こし, それはきょうまでつづいている。

History When Europeans of different nationalities first emigrated to America, the sprites were simultaneously terrified and delighted — because the different language groups were hostile to one another. German, French, Spanish, and English colonists were each stirred up by the sprites to feel absolute superiority about their own native tongue. Each language survived, sparking petty regional squabbles that continue to this day.

私立探偵の情報この妖精の姿が見られるのは, つぎのような人のいる地域だ演説の原稿書き,ディスクジョッキー, ショーのホスト, 葬式の進行係,医者・・・・・・。有能なコラムニストが書いた記事の行間にも見つけることができる。

Field Intelligence This sprite can be spotted wherever the following people gather: speechwriters, DJs, talk show hosts, funeral officiants, doctors… It can also be found between the lines of articles written by skilled columnists.

THE GNOME ENCLATURE

Two editions, one page

日本語版の本文

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