The Secret · American Version
Illustration: THE JOKE FIEND
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THE JOKE FIEND

Numerous non humorous

RANGE The Joke Fiend mainly works men’s clubs and variety shows, occasionally opens for rock acts, but is often to be found in bars, restaurants, and living rooms; wherever more than one or two are gathered together to tell funny stories (or “cute ones” as they are often called), the Joke Fiend performs his malevolent schtick.

HABITS The Joke Fiend literally possesses its poor victim, amateur and professional alike, and makes him tell jokes. The creature is particularly remarkable for its lack of a sense of humor, as should be obvious from its name. Its idea of a “hot one” is to coax the social misfit to tell a joke completely inappropriate to the company: Ikey and Izzy jokes at bar mitzvahs, Rastus and Mandy jokes at Urban League cocktail parties, Pat and Mike stories at the Police Brotherhood meetings, and jokes with any sex at all in them to Ms. magazine editors.

HISTORY When asked by noted comedian Henny Youngman to explain its origins, the Joke Fiend (for once) refused to speak—invoking, we are to suppose, a gag rule. The Joke Fiend is believed to have been first sighted in America by Washington Irving during a trip to the Catskill Mountains in 1838. Mr. Irving was researching his Rip Van Winkle. The Joke Fiend was playing the Lounge. SPOTTER’S

TIPS Wherever squirt flowers, light-up bow ties, hand buzzers, whoopee cushions, dribble glasses or Shriners’ conventions can be found, there also is the Joke Fiend.

Opposite: J. F., corny as Kansas, visits Henny Youngman for good material.

Two editions, one page

The American and Japanese printings side by side. Click either page to zoom in.

Illustration: THE JOKE FIEND
American edition
Japanese edition page: THE JOKE FIEND
日本語版 · Japanese edition

日本語版の本文

The Dud Joke Sprite · The Joke Fiend

The Japanese text, section by section, with an English back-translation.

棲息地 人の集まるところならどこでもいる。 とくにパーティ会場などに多くいる。この妖精にとりつかれると、 どんなにおもしろいジョークでも一瞬にして会場をしらけさせてしまう。あとはもう額に脂汗を浮かべて, なにを話しているのか、つぎになにをいっていいのか忘れてしまい, ただオドオドするばかりだ。

Habitat Anywhere people gather — especially party venues. Once possessed by this sprite, even the most genuinely funny joke instantly kills the room. What follows is cold sweat beading on the forehead, forgetting what you were saying or what to say next, and nothing but nervous fidgeting.

習性 演説巧者にとりつきやすい。 またとくに気の弱い人にも。この妖精は不思議な力でジョークのおちを消してしまうのだ。おちのないジョークほどつまらないものはない。 本人は恥をかくし, 聞いているほうはいらいらする。 とくにサラリーマンなどにとって自分の結婚式に上司を招いてスピーチを依頼した場合に多発する。 「えー, 本日はお日がらもよく」なんて上司が場なれたふうにスピーチをはじめたまではよかったが,あいだにはさむ冗談が少しもおもしろくない。 上司は話をかたくるしくしないようにと、 何日もまえから「スピーチのじょうずな話し方」 なんて本を読んでせっかく憶えてきたのに誰も笑わないのである。まあ、いいだろう。 本人もちょっと緊張していて話をうまくもっていけないのだ。二番目のジョークでもだれも笑ってくれない。 そこで上司は考える。 ちょっとむずかしすぎたかな。三番目,四番目, 五番目のジョークでも笑わない。 上司はあせってくる。こうなったらもう必死になんとか笑わそうと考える。 スピーチなんかそっちのけで,知っているかぎりの笑い話をならべはじめる。 しかしどれもこれも受けない。上司のからだがこきざみに震えはじめ,顔面は紅潮し,部下である新郎を憎しみのまなこでにらみつける。「よくもおれに恥をかかせてくれたな。この責任はかならずとってもらうぞ!」 そう無言で語最初のジョークが受けない。っている。しかし、上司ににらまれても, 新郎にはどうしようもない。おもしろくもない話に率先して笑っても、ほかにだれも笑う者がいなければ、ばか笑いになるし、かえって上司のきげんを悪くするばかりだ。こうして、冷や汗をかきっぱなしの結婚式はどうにか終っても、新婚旅行はけっして楽しいものにはならない。旅行が終わって会社に出ると, さっそくその上司に呼ばれ,「きみ, ○○地方の支社に行っなんていわれるてくれたまえ」のがおちだ。 これがいちばんきついジョークなのだ。

Behavior Particularly drawn to accomplished public speakers. Also to people with weak nerves. This sprite uses a mysterious power to erase the punchline from jokes. Nothing is more tedious than a joke without a punchline. The teller suffers humiliation; the listeners get irritated. This occurs particularly often for salarymen who invite their boss to give a speech at their wedding. “Well now, what a splendid day it is today…” — the boss begins in what sounds like a practiced manner, which was fine, but the jokes he inserts along the way aren’t funny in the slightest. The boss had read “How to Give a Great Speech” for days beforehand, memorizing material specifically to keep things from getting stiff — and yet nobody laughs. Well, fine. He’s a little nervous and can’t quite find his rhythm. Nobody laughs at the second joke either. The boss thinks: maybe it was a bit too sophisticated. Third joke. Fourth. Fifth. Still nothing. The boss starts to panic. Now he’s desperately trying by any means to get a laugh. Abandoning the speech entirely, he starts running through every funny story he knows. But none of them land. The boss begins trembling imperceptibly. His face flushes crimson. He fixes the groom — his subordinate — with a look of pure hatred. “How dare you embarrass me like this. I will make you pay for this.” His eyes say it all without words. But being glared at by the boss, there’s nothing the groom can do. If he leads the laughter at jokes that aren’t funny and nobody else follows, it just looks like idiotic sycophancy — and only puts the boss in a worse mood. The wedding ends in a continuous cold sweat, and the honeymoon is inevitably not a happy one. When the groom returns to the office, he’s immediately summoned by that boss: “I’d like you to transfer to our branch office in [remote region].” That’s the punchline. And it’s the cruellest joke of all.

歴史 くわしくはわからないが, 16~17世紀のフランスの宮廷で生まれたといわれる。

History Details are unclear, but it’s said to have originated in the French royal court of the 16th-17th centuries.

私立探偵の情報 部下の結婚式に出たがる上司のいる会社ならどこにでもいる。

Field Intelligence Found in any company where bosses want to attend subordinates’ weddings. 120-121

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