The Secret · American Version

Illustration: THE MIND BOGGLES — Plate, American edition Zoom Full-size scan

THE MIND BOGGLES

Videoticus neilsonian

RANGE The “vast wasteland” is the dark domain of the Mind Boggles. They travel at the speed of light, on waves of air, and it is virtually impossible to prevent them from entering any room of your home or favorite bar (especially since they have lately joined together in enormous conspiracies, or “networks,” the better to numb the brains and harden the hearts of mankind).

HABITS There are many types, or stations, of Mind Boggle, each named after the sort of wicked spell he (or she) casts: the Eye-Glazers, the ThoughtRotters, the Credibility-Stretchers, the Wit-Wilters, the Trash Vendors, and the Trivia-Transmitters, to name but a few. Their system is diabolically simple. They find a poor, bored, lonely mortal—often a mere child—and in vampirelike fashion, drain him of all willpower, commonsense, intelligence, and taste. They then work their magic to have this mental and moral degenerate appointed Vice-President of Programming for a major television network. He, in turn, contaminates thousands, who themselves go on to high-paying jobs in the broadcasting profession. . . . Sex and violence, the two ingredients essential to any fairy tale, fill the air when the Boggles are at work. But while the weddings with frogs and bloody decapitations found in classic fairy stories are suitable for children, on television they become sniggering double entendres and bloodless car wrecks, which only adults can understand. Mind Boggles are repelled by the normal, natural scent of humans, and much of their time and effort is spent inducing “bromidrosophobia,” that is, the morbid fear of bodily odors.

HISTORY This most evil of Goblins (for it’s your soul they’re gobblin’), Mind Boggles are descended from simple hobgoblins, the chimney corner creatures who used to inspire people to stare into the fire, watching the flames “make pictures.” This required, unfortunately, imagination, the deadly enemy of all goblins. (From their point of view, radio was not much of an improvement, as it also demanded some mental activity on the part of the audience.) Now that Boggles can zip along cables, bounce off satellites, and zoom right into your face, they couldn’t be happier. It just goes to show you the benefits of working through the proper channels. SPOTTER’S

TIPS Mind Boggles gain access to their victims by means of a glass-fronted box located in the home. Weird, flickering light and unnatural voices emerging from this diabolical machine are signs that the Mind Boggles are at their insidious work.

Two editions, one page

The American and Japanese printings side by side. Click either page to zoom in.

Japanese edition page: THE MIND BOGGLES — 日本語版 · Japanese edition

日本語版の本文

The Television Wave Sprite · The Mind Boggles

The Japanese text, section by section, with an English back-translation.

棲息地テレビ電波の妖精たちの活動領域はかなり広範囲である。ほぼ全世界的といっていいだろう。彼らはかなりのスピードで旅をしているので,一般の民家に進入することを防ぐ方法はない。つまり,台所もトイレも電波だらけというわけだ。だがこちらから手を出さないかぎり、むこうからは攻撃してこない。無視していれば害はない。そのかわり利益もない。だからある程度の犠牲は覚悟して,この妖精たちとつきあわなければいけないのだ。ではその犠牲とはなにか。なかでもいちばん「時間のむだ」である。テレビの発達によって文化が向上したという話は聞かない。テレビ技術が発達して,社会のいろいろな分野で応用され, 便利になっただけである。文化は依然として旧態然としており, かえって低下している地域さえある。とはいっても,これらテレビ電波の妖精たちの努力がまったくむだかというと、そうでもない。有史以来,人間たちは “文字” による思考をかさねてきたが、この妖精たちの働きで, すこしずつ “映像” による思考方法が普及しはじめている。近いで感情を伝えあう新しい人間たちが誕生するだろう。そのとき, 文化ははじめて大きな躍進をとげるだろう。それまでは,テレビ電波の妖精たちは,子供をもつ母親たちに憎まれつづけるだろう。

Habitat The territory of the television wave sprites is remarkably vast — practically global, one might say. They travel at considerable speed, and there is no way to prevent them from penetrating ordinary homes. In other words, your kitchen and your toilet are both saturated with their waves. But as long as you don’t reach out to them, they won’t attack you. Ignore them and they cause no harm — but equally no benefit. So you have to accept a certain degree of sacrifice in dealing with these sprites. What is that sacrifice? The biggest by far is “wasted time.” Nobody has ever heard of culture improving thanks to the development of television. Television technology has advanced and been applied usefully across various fields of society — that’s all. Culture remains as it always was, and in some regions has actually declined. That said, the efforts of these television wave sprites aren’t entirely wasted. Throughout recorded history humans have built their thinking through the written word — but thanks to these sprites’ work, thinking through images is gradually spreading. In the future, a new kind of human will be born who thinks and communicates emotion through pictures. When that day comes, culture will make its first great leap forward. Until then, the television wave sprites will continue to be despised by mothers with children.

習性この妖精たちのやりかたは、いたって単純である。まず死ぬほど退屈な人間を見つける。そして吸血鬼のように相手の意志の力、常識, 知性,判断力を吸いとってしまい, テレビのまえに釘づけにする。あとはもう、おとぎ話に必要な2大要素, セックスと暴力を流しつづければいい。短時間でその人間をとりこにすることができる。こうしてふぬけになった人間は,一生テレビの奴隷となるのだ。

Behavior Their method is utterly simple. First, find a human who is bored to death. Then, vampire-like, drain their willpower, common sense, intelligence and judgment — and pin them in front of the television. After that, just keep broadcasting the two essential elements of any fairy tale — sex and violence. The person can be captured in a very short time. Thus reduced to a hollow shell, that human becomes a slave to television for life.

歴史この妖精たちの祖先は,アダムとイヴがリンゴを食べる瞬間を実況中継していた時代にまでさかのぼることができる。近年になってからは米国のジネラル・エレクトリック社の工場生まれが圧倒的だったが, 最近はニッポンの出身者が多い。

History Their ancestors can be traced all the way back to the era when they were providing live coverage of the moment Adam and Eve ate the apple. In recent years the overwhelming majority were born in the factories of America’s General Electric — but lately many are of Japanese origin.

私立探偵の情報各家庭に置いてある前面ガラス張りの箱のなかから登場する。だから、その箱を見てはだめだ。彼らの術中将来、“絵” でものを考え, “絵” におちいるだけだから。

Field Intelligence They emerge from the glass-fronted box placed in every home. So don’t look at that box. You’ll only fall into their trap.

THE MIND BOGGLES

Two editions, one page

日本語版の本文

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